How to Raise Your Parents: A Teen Girl's Survival Guide by Sarah O'Leary Burningham, illustrated by Bella Pilar Grades 7+ 144 pages Chronicle Books March 2008 Paperback     The music, hair, and clothes may change, but the communication gap between parents and teens remains as wide as it ever was. Sarah Burningham’s guide for teen girls, How to Raise Your Parents, isn’t a solution to the problem, but it is an excellent intermediary that can significantly decrease the stress levels for both sides in this never-ending cold war. Right off the bat, Burningham gives the reader a set of Parent Profiles to help teens figure out just what sort of opponents they’re facing, with an additional quiz to help define your parents’ (or your own) style of parenting. This is a necessary prelude to the fine art of negotiation – just as in any diplomatic mission, it’s vital to know the motivation of the group you’re dealing with before you can devise an effective strategy for peace that is acceptable to both sides. The chapter on negotiation covers the simple but critical information that leads to success, including Rule Number One (“Some things just aren’t negotiable.”) and where to go from there. Conciliation, in fact, is the key to it all, and the skills taught in Burningham’s book aren’t just for teen-parent relationships – they’re the basics for any successful relationship, including romantic and business ones. Chapters addressing specific topics build on the basic negotiating skills, offering insight and advice on how to obtain the privacy that teens crave and parents fear, acceptable compromise techniques for piercings and tattoos, and reaching a middle ground on curfews. Burningham goes beyond those areas, too, and discusses more difficult topics such as what to do when your parents catch you making out and if, when, and how to tell your parents that you’re gay. Less controversial but equally important chapters include grades, driving, after-school jobs (learn to create a resume!) and even blogs. I survived my own teen years and my three children survived theirs, but life certainly would have been pleasanter for all of us if this book had been available for guidance. According to the cover, Burningham “was inspired to write this book when she was 16….” and “realized [her parents] were as clueless as she was.” That kind of honesty will disturb some parents, particularly in the Parent Speak section where Burningham defines the real meanings of familiar phrases such as “Because I said so,” and “You’re grounded.” No matter how uncomfortable it makes us, parents need to read this book as much as teens need to read it. How to Raise Your Parents is a reminder and affirmation that we love our kids and want the best for them, but our single-minded attempts to protect them may not be the most effective approach. For teens, this book can explain the seemingly bizarre behavior of parents and help you guide them through the years that are as painful for them as for you with a minimum of tumult. Read it together if possible, but by all means – read it!     web reviews   Deborah Adams/2008 for curled up with a good kid's book   For grown-up fiction, nonfiction and speculative fiction book reviews, visit our sister site Curled Up With a Good Book (www.curledup.com)