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*Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility, and Happiness* by Tamar E. Chansky
   
Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility, and Happiness
by Tamar E. Chansky
Da Capo Lifelong 336 pages September 2008 Paperback    

Dr. Tamar Chansky offers up some practical and often surprising information in her latest book, Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking. While the title suggests that her advice is directed toward parents who want to help their children improve and enhance their lives, I must confess that I’m using the guidance in this book to surreptitiously wean a fully-grown co-worker from her negative attitude.

Early in the book, Chansky explains the ‘depressive triad’ which Dr. Aaron Beck conceived in the 1970s: negative views of the self, the world, and the future. Chansky points to this triad to explain that a child with negative thinking is not necessarily a depressed child, but rather a “depressive-in-training.” Chanksy explains,

“the purpose of this book is to make you experts on how negative thinking gets built, so that you can teach your children how to handle disappointment and adversity in the same matter-of-fact way that you would teach them to look both ways before crossing the street.”
Because parenting style plays a major role in the development of a child’s outlook and ability to cope with disappointment and hurt, Chansky wisely includes a section to help readers identify their own parenting style – indulgent, authoritarian, uninvolved, and authoritative. Obviously it is up to the reader to take an honest and thorough look at these categories and keep them in mind when working through the strategies presented.

Individual chapters deal with understanding negative thoughts in children and how to work within the context already established; helping your child find his or her strengths and abilities; dealing with loss, failure, jealousy, and other negative emotions that are inevitable; and creating a plan for teaching your child how to overcome negative thoughts and see events for what they truly are. Within these chapters, Chansky addresses critical components of her method, including flexible thinking exercises, how to recognize emotional triggers in your child, and ‘New Word Bank Ideas’ which help children replace negatives with a more realistic and emotionally healthful vocabulary.

Of course, negative thinking is sometimes a sign that a real problem exists:

“When we find that our children are suffering, and that the methods we’ve been using are no longer having an impact, it’s time to reassess our strategy and seek professional help.”
To that end, Chansky provides a list of symptoms that may indicate serious depression, along with information to help parents determine what is normal development, negative moods, and red flags in children from pre-school to the teen years.

Nor does she neglect those situations in which negativity and depression are reasonable responses to life situations, such as the death of a loved one or the breakup of a family. Difficult for all of us, these life changes are especially challenging for a child with negative thinking habits, and Chansky offers tips for helping those children adjust after such events.

Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking is presented clearly and concisely, written without pretentious buzzwords and packed full of information, advice, and strategies that any parent can implement immediately. Tamar Chansky, who founded and directs the Children's Center for OCD and Anxiety, has also written books about children with obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety. She shows a genuine understanding of and concern for the mental health of our children while giving parents the tools they need to raise happier, healthier children. Highly recommended!

 
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